Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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