if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
