i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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