Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
