I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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