Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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