i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
