If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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