i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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