I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
