I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pants are for mortals
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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