update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
