Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
