We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
the raccoons are back...
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