Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
