dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
