Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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