I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
