Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize