also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
