i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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