Well douche your snatch and let's go!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
