She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
