I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
