and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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