I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
