I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
