I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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