Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
