Whod you bang
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
