oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
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