he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
