Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
