Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
