$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
