I heard we made out
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
