the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
