If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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