Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
