I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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