And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
