So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
