His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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