I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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