So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
