fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
