peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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