Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize