I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
