i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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