8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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