do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
