Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
