I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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