I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
