I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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