If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
