hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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