im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
