I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
