direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
