let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
