In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
