Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
