I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
