So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
