1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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