he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So gin and wine won't be happening again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
