Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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