stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
