you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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