Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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